The first rule of mental health is to learn that depression lies. Depression clouds your mind and rains down insults like a never-ending storm. And it lies like a rug. But, more than that, it lies like a sadistic sociopath whose only job is to constantly gaslight you into believing that you are worthless.
And that is just not true.
I use a mind trick on myself to view my depression as a separate entity.
Seeing it as something apart from me allows for it to become an enemy that I can fight. I can learn strategies to ignore the mean things it tries to make me believe. In your mind, when you are in a remission period, let’s say that depression is a mouse. When you move into an episode, that mouse has suddenly turned into a monstrous wolf-mouse creature that is beyond frightening, like the Boss at the end of a video game. We have to work very hard not to allow the mouse to grow into that monster. Sometimes though, no matter what we do, that creature grows and does overwhelm us, resulting in drawing us into battle.
Moving back into more realistic terms, never forget that dealing with depression is an actual illness. It is no different than diabetes or heart disease. In most cases, it means that certain chemicals in your brain like serotonin and dopamine do not get carried to the proper places. For many people, medication can help tremendously. Finding the appropriate med can be difficult, but it is worth the effort, and you owe it to yourself to never give up trying.
Let’s get back to the lies.
The emotions, thoughts, and feelings that you suffer during a depression wave can pound you into a big black hole with no ladder that would allow you to get out of it. Then the well-meaning people around you advise that you just get over it, go get some fresh air, or do yoga. But, please know that they have no way of comprehending the barrage of negative self-talk that is going on inside of you. So you do need to tell folks never EVER tell you to just get over it. For the other things you can explain, yes, if you could take a walk or eat healthier, you do know that those things would help.
The real issue is them getting annoyed that you can’t seem to get yourself to do those things, which is like them getting mad at a fish for not being able to climb a tree. And that’s just dumb. Sorry, not sorry. I said it.
Other than trying to visualize depression as a separate thing, it is crucial to have a system in place before the next episode begins. When you are in a healthy place, talk to those who are part of your support system. Let them know that there will be times when you think they hate you, and you may believe that you are deserving of that hate. Ask them to remind you that thoughts like that are just the lies depression tells you. Just because you think it doesn’t make it true.
I have a few other tips.
Next, please grab some brightly colored post-it notes and put things that are really true about yourself on them. Something like: “I am beautiful.”, “I am worth the effort.”, “Be kind to me”, “Remember the negative thoughts are lies.”. It would be best to put these in your home’s common areas and in unexpected spots that you will forget about. You will come across them when you need them. Post-it notes can be your best friend and your favorite weapon against depression.
There are always those moments of strength during even the worst of the waves. That is when you pull out your big guns: your spirit (soul, energy source, heart) and teach it to ask yourself: Is this true? I learned this from an amazing author, Byron Katie. A while back, I stumbled across a YouTube video of her speaking at a workshop of sorts. If I ever find that particular snippet, I’ll post it here. In the meantime, there are a lot of great takeaways from her books and her website, The Work. But I always come back to asking myself, “Is this true?”
Those ugly thoughts that I am useless and a burden to everyone around me actually quiets down if I find the strength to step outside of myself at that moment to ask, “Is that really true?” Automatically, I have to answer “no”. I have to acknowledge that it is just another lie. I am a mom, and more than that, I am a great mom. Therefore, I cannot be useless, and I am not a burden to them. From there, you can break down and reframe each of those negative thoughts when you realize that none of them are true.
You do not have to believe the depression lies.
You are stronger than you think, and you will get through those depression waves. With these suggestions, it may even be a little easier and go by a little more quickly.
P.S. The link to Byron Katie’s book is an Amazon affiliate which means that if you choose to purchase the book, I may earn a small commission without any additional cost to you.
P.S.S. It was great therapy to create the images to go along with this post. I have been a Canva Pro user for several years and am very proud to be a Canva Affiliate. Check out their 30-day free trial and enjoy!
Disclaimer:
I am not a mental health professional, nor do I play one on the internet. Please seek the advice of a medical doctor and a therapist when dealing with any mental health issues.
